The back pages of comic books in the 70s, 80s, and 90s were a treasure trove of weird and wonderful things to buy. As kids, we all spent countless hours poring over the ads, dreaming of owning everything from X-ray glasses to rocket ships.
Sadly, most of these products were never delivered, or came many, many weeks later, but the ads themselves were a source of endless entertainment. They were often filled with outrageous claims and promises, and they always made us laugh.
Looking back, I can’t help but smile at the innocence of those days. We were so gullible and hopeful, believing that anything was possible. And even though we forgot about most of the products we ordered by the time they were delivered, the experience of dreaming about them was still a lot of fun.
When you’re feeling nostalgic for the good old days, just revisit the weird world of comic book back pages.
Dude, check these out, too!
Here are a few of the most popular items that were advertised in comic books back in the day:
- X-Ray Specs: See through walls? Sure, with these cardboard and cellophane contraptions fueled by imagination (and not science). Bonus points if you added “secret decoder rings” for enhanced “vision.”
- Sea-Monkeys: Tiny shrimp disguised as “instant life” in a packet, promising an underwater metropolis in your bowl. Reality? Brine shrimp with a lifespan measured in days.
- The U-Control Ghost: This “spirit” on a string (operated by you, the puppeteer) promised ghostly pranks and haunted house chills. More likely to elicit confused stares than screams.
- The Sneaky Snake: Spring-loaded metal “serpent” that launched from a fake cigarette pack, perfect for (questionably safe) pranks. Adults likely saw through the “illusion” faster than their kids.
- The Pharoah’s Curse: Dig up a miniature mummy and unleash ancient Egyptian horrors? Turns out, the “curse” was usually just a disappointing plastic scarab beetle.
- The Instant Muscle Builder: Pump up your pecs in seconds with this inflatable device… that mostly inflated your ego (and maybe deflated your wallet).
- The Money Multiplier: Fold, tear, and magically multiply your bills! Spoiler alert: this “magic” involved clever folds and sleight of hand, not actual financial sorcery.
- The Hypnotic Spiral: Stare into the swirling vortex and unlock hidden powers… or just get a headache. The jury’s still out on the “hypnotic” effects.
- The Invisible Dog Leash: Walk your invisible pet with this “revolutionary” leash. Perfect for imaginary walks, less effective for actual dog ownership.
- The Glow-in-the-Dark Stickers: Adorned with everything from skulls to superheroes, these stickers offered a touch of creepy-cool fun (and probably glowed longer than the “instant muscle builder”).
These are just a few of the many bizarre and often ineffective items that tempted comic book readers with promises of adventure, mischief, and (sometimes) superpowers. While the actual results rarely lived up to the hype, they definitely added a unique flavor to the comic book experience of yesteryear.
Bicycle cards in my spokes, flimsy ramps, gravel under my skin, Star Wars, Atari, and chucks. We had it all. Claim to fame: Neighborhood’s largest snow tunnel network built during the blizzard of ’77.
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